#93

it’s like an itching wound. i keep on scratching it while i’m asleep. i know i should have not done it but sometimes i could not help it. adding to more damage, surprise, surprise. right now at this very end i feel as miserable as i could be.

things i’ve learned about myself these past few months. i’m not good at staying by myself after 3 months. especially when things are bugging me constantly. and i always seek for solution. i can’t stand to have it hanging down my head without me knowing what the real problem is. and everything to me is either yes or no. i can’t stand grey areas. i always want things to be consistent. and i always want to fix things instead of giving them time to heal. i’m transparent. i’m bluntly honest about everything. i have words diarrhea. some of them might sound like good traits but right now i think it has done more damage than i could ever imagine.

i just want things to be right again. but something tells me that this will not work so in the end i will have to prepare for the worst. well, seen this coming anyway to which why i don’t want this at the first place. at least not till i’m back home for good. if things could have wait a little longer. if I could have wait a little longer. these all are too much for me right now. i wish i could push rewind and prevent things from happening in the first place.

all i want now is to go home. i need to go home. i’ve lost saint every minute i spend my time here.

~ by Syahme on August 19, 2011.